Our Easter Miracle

I left you last week with a BIG FAT NEGATIVE.

BY the time I had called the hubby, I had a plan in place. Typical OCD nutcase but this is my coping mechanism. I defend myself against sadness and depression by arming myself with a new project.

My plan consisted of several points.

  1. Abuse doctor
  2. Call Doctor and book an app. To discuss the next step.
  3. Find a new gym, pay membership and torture myself for the next 6 weeks
  4. Make it thru day without a major public breakdown. (JUST)

Fell asleep in a bed of tears that night. Unsure why this was so painfully difficult.  

Continued to take medication as instructed, seemed completely pointless but did as I was told, made it to bloods on Saturday morning within minutes of the clinic closing its doors to clinical appointments. DH came with me for moral support. This was meant to be such a happy day.

Did a crazy pole dance class after my app. Was so much fun and OMG my muscles were burning! Spoke to the parentals and other major supports in my life, discussed my plan of attack. I was feeling more settled by this stage, sad of course but with a plan a I can move forward.

 

I was meant to call the clinic for results at 12, I completely forgot, remembered just before 1pm, at which time they close. For some reason I suddenly felt frantic, dialled the number faster than ever before and luckily they answered.

Me:

“Hi, I’m calling to ask firstly to confirm the results are negative and to ask when I can book in the FET cycle”.

Nurse:

“hi, ok, that’s fine but can we deal with this pregnancy first?”

Me:

“What pregnancy?”

Nurse

“your pregnancy, your numbers are positive, they are low at 14 but it looks like you had a late implanter, we need to do repeat bloods on Monday but I think you can be cautiously happy’

 

ME

 

CUE TEARS!

 

Cried for a day!  

Sunday came and my usually not very religious hubby decided that this was our Easter miracle! I tend to agree, how did things change so incredibly quickly? We went to Easter Mass on Sunday afternoon and lit a few candles, no prizes to guess what we prayed for right?

After church, hubby suggests we go already, I was curious as to where he wanted to go. He suggested the clinic as it was 7pm now and we need to be there on time for tomorrow’s appointment! Haha the clinic is 10 minutes from our house! Bless him! Nervous!

Bloods taken as the doors opened at the clinic Monday morning, I am not sure we even spoke to each other for the next few hours, we went for a long walk, had some breakfast at a local café and gave each other a reassuring squeeze here and there. 12pm I got the call. Bloods results progesterone a little low so increase your Crinone meds but HCG 49!!! MORE than doubled!

 

OUR EASTER MIRACLE

 

Obviously very early, so we haven’t gone public with the news yet other than to my Aunt and Mum, but if something were to go wrong I would need them for support anyway so felt right they know immediately.

So now I am day exactly 12 days post fresh day 3 transfer of a perfect 8 cell embie!

 

Stay to play little bunny! Please! Xxx we love you already.

 

Ticket please, a direct line if possible!

 

 

 

The roller coaster that is assisted conception has successful rolled over the first hill!

10 days of syranel nasal spray and my nose hurts, I’m flat as a tack, bloated, emotional and headaches pounding thru my brain despite 3 litres of water a day! Apart from one massive evening of uncountable tears I have only shed the odd few!

A huge part of this journey is waiting without knowledge. What I mean by this is, your miracle is only a few massive hurdles/loops/mountains away but at the base of each hill there is a hurdle that you cannot jump without your tests coming back as they should. I had the first hurdle while waiting for my bloods tests 12 days ago to find out if I could start. This was reliant on finding out if I had ovulated and that my oestrogen was on the way down. I had the blood test then I waited, there was no way of knowing, I felt no different to any other month, I had no ability to control this. Yesterday I had my 10 days on medication/cycle day 2 bloods. This was the next hurdle. I was seriously worried the meds weren’t working; I had no knowledge or way of knowing that they were. Yes, I had side effects but I was also leading up to AF.

Clinic day, I was up and there by 7:30am, I thought this was early and there would be very few people there. NO, how very wrong I was. The place was packed, and how incredibly depressing.   Most of us needing support and people to bounce ideas off write blogs or join support forums,   yet true to social media outlets we can open up and discuss intimate details online but enter a room full of women going thru exactly the same thing and do you think we can talk to each other? You could hear crickets in this room! I was so sad; I even tried to smile at a few ladies that were coming in. Sit here, talk to me….. Silence. Oh how depressing..

The nurses were buzzing around, ladies coming in and out in different states of distress, happiness, confusion etc the raw emotions in this room was extreme. Maybe that’s why we couldn’t talk to each other or barely notice the other women’s existence. We were all in some state of desperate despair to get our miracles and to stop completely breaking down in the middle of a packed waiting room, this required intense focus!

Finally I was called in, I was expecting to be rushed in and out but the nurse was kind, patient, and didn’t seem to be aware of the bursting waiting room. I appreciated this. Bloods were taken and we discussed the barriers to the next step. As much as I try I am unable to be the glass half full person. I was to know all the bad stuff first in order to prepare. Several barriers could jump out. Firstly, pregnant, (unlikely considering I’m on cycle day 2 and WHY NOW?) and also the one I was most stressed out, my oestrogen not at baseline also known as not responding to the meds.

I was given the next round of medications and showed how to inject myself, the dose and the plan just in case everything was perfect and I could start.  I left and went to work to wait the long 6 hours until I could call for results.

Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock, the clock struck 2:30pm and I was on the phone!

The nurse said and I quote, “wow, you can start tomorrow” sorry? Wow? “Yes your levels are very low, you responded very well to the medication”. No wonder I felt flat I barely had any oestrogen left!

Good news, thank goodness! I finally felt like I could breathe! The meds were in the nurses fridge at work, hiding in the back out of sight and my little IVF train chugging along added some more coal and repeated “I think I can, I think I can”