hello blogging world! Been awhile.

Hello blogging world, it’s been a while!

I have been following so many IVFer’s and reading along with POM POMs in hand waving furiously for so many of you I haven’t really had time to write on my own. Firstly congrats to many of you who have become preggers. PUPO, or commenced your cycle! Each step is terrifying but exciting!
I am officially 26 weeks 5 days along. I have a basketball bump and a back ache!
Last few weeks have consisted of Pre-natal yoga, swimming, Physio appointments and begging the husband for massages! I still find it totally weird that during yoga class we will do some birthing positions and stretches etc and I seem to be the only one looking around the room alarmed that we are discussing birth, actual birth!
This weekend my mum is flying up from her home state to meet me in Sydney, my sister, and Aunt are throwing me a little baby shower! I was never keen for baby showers, I always felt they were a bit unnecessary, and during IVF I became incredibly bitter about them. I think I was really just plain old jealous! I couldn’t even get pregnant or hold onto a pregnancy let alone get far enough along to celebrate it publicly! So when my Aunt and mum started talking about doing a shower in Sydney and then another one in my original home state for the Nan’s etc. it suddenly felt very special that I was finally in a position to do this. It doesn’t feel like I will jinx the pregnancy now, I can openly talk about the little one kicking away inside me and not Burst into tears! I finally feel confident and supremely happy.

So, a quick update

How far along: 26 weeks 5 days
Gender: still a boy
Weight: I think only about 5 but I also put 5 on during IVF so I don’t really know, I hate scales!
Bump: yep, looks like a perfectly round basketball under my shirt! No stretch marks (thanks Mummys Tummy Papya cream)
Mat clothes: exclusively! Can still pull off a non-mat top but jeans and pants etc, all the way!
Sleep: really depends on the night, last night was dreadful! Awake every 040 minutes or so… vivid dreams, I actually woke up laughing yesterday, was very weird.

Cravings: less aversions now but obsessed with peppermint ice cream!
Mood: I am still crying at the drop of hat, and find myself getting really exaggerated responses to situations.
Aches and pains: tail bone pain, been seeing a physio, all tapped up and feeling better. Sore feet at the end of the day, and tired most of the time, but totally fine!
Sex: when the DH will give it to me… tmi?? Oh well…. Think despite being a Dr he is concerned re-baby and the 1 eyed snake haha, may have told him if he doesn’t provide I will find my own way around it…. That spiced it up for a bit!
movement: Bub is going crazy, really strong defined movements now with a definite pattern, loves early mornings and during the night he just goes nuts, will have a few quite hours during the day then kick it up again! I can actually feel bubs head and back etc when he is facing inwards. Interesting he really responds to my DH voice and touch. When DH comes home from work and we are talking, Bub starts kicking or rolling a lot more. DH was actually tickling his back or head the other night and every time he stopped bub would kick and squirm until he did it again. SO CUTE!
Purchases: we have bitten the bullet and bought out pram, we got the Joolz Earth day edition. Totally cute! My parentals as a gift bought us whatever nursery set we wanted, so we picked the VULU love and care package. It doesn’t arrive until nov/dec but so very excited anyway! A few onesies and little things, but nothing else really! Hoping for some hand me downs from friends!
Wedding rings: On, fit the same.
A very dear friend of mine from my old work wife has made it to 36 weeks today. They had IVF ICSI last year after 5 years of trying and lost the bub at 19 weeks. It was the most heart breaking moment. It was tragic actually, we were both at work and I started to bleed at 5 ½ weeks. He was the only person who knew I was pregnant. I cried and he supported me, at the time his wife was 19 weeks and they had been fighting a lot. As he gave me a comforting hug and a shoulder to cry on I made him promise he would go home and make it better with his wife. Tell her how much he loved her and the baby and just stop this fighting! I went to hospital that night to confirm the loss and make sure I didn’t need a D&C. The next day he called me, they lost their baby during the night, his wife woke to cramping and huge blood loss. They delivered a perfect little boy sleeping. This year they did a frozen transfer and she was watched and monitored very closely. She was stitched and diagnosed with an incompetent cervix early and has been on bed rest since 10weeks. They have made it to 36 weeks, stitch comes out next week and they will have a baby girl in their arms very soon. I am so profoundly happy for them; they are both gorgeous people and deserve so much happiness possible. I look forward to my text updates from him so much!
Also: on a personal note, I have made a new friend! I know this sounds silly but we move around Australia a lot and I find it tricky to make good girl friends in each new state we land in. I’ve been in ACT now for 8 months and although I work with some gorgeous people who have become work friends, I really haven’t been able to make any actual friends outside work. BUT, since starting pre-natal yoga a few months ago I have met a lovely girl who is 4 weeks ahead of me, and I am pleased to say and excited that we have progressed to Facebook friends and exchanged mobile Numbers. Planning a pool/lunch date soon!

Just wanted to say in advance, thanks to all my friends and family for coming together this weekend and again in Nov. Means so much! xxxjoolz rabit

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I make a promise.

I am not sure even where to start this blog. Today I find out if there are any early signs of HCG in my system. As you can imagine I am anxious, nervous and actually a bit sad.

But the most incredible thing just tipped me over the edge into full blown tears at work. A “friend” and I use the term very loosely now has given birth and sent a text around introducing bub, as you do. That’s fine I hear you say, however the back story is………

This “friend” and I have known each other for about 5 years, we lived together for awhile and became quite close, she was there when I met the man I married, she sat with me thru tears and happiness and once said if we were to ever get married she wants to be bridesmaid. I held her to that and she came to the wedding as a bridesmaid. However, she had started dating a douchbag 6 months before hand, he already had a kid, and she had aborted one a year earlier (to a different guy) I had supported her every decision as friends do, and offered any support I could. But this meant she was now on a mission to get UTD again in order to try and keep this guy I guess?   Long story short, painful the entire time at my wedding after he dumped her over facebook, only for them to get back to a week later and be UTD not 2 months later less than a yr. into their “relationship”

 

Well long story short I got the text message and I am very glad mum and bub are doing well, but….. The bitch stole the one name I have always wanted for a little girl. AND SHE KNEW THIS!

Friendship over.

Of course there is more behind this decision, but this is the last nail in the coffin.

I know this blog sounds mean, nasty, etc but I would never do this to someone I considered a friend, perhaps I truly do expect too much from people as lately several “friends” and 1 SIL have proven to disappoint me to the point where I wonder why I try.

 

I am incredibly lucky to have a gorgeous group of girlfriends who are always checking in regarding the treatment and how I am feeling and making the effort to text, call and visit. I adore them, and I am forever thankful. I need to focus on our journey, our plan, and not let awful, spiteful and jealous feelings run me into the ground like I have been.

 

I finish this blog with a promise.

You burn me; I will no longer let you in my life.

I will no longer let others ruin me, I will be stronger and I will acknowledge I am better off without you.

I will be thankful every day for my family, my friends, and my DH.