hello blogging world! Been awhile.

Hello blogging world, it’s been a while!

I have been following so many IVFer’s and reading along with POM POMs in hand waving furiously for so many of you I haven’t really had time to write on my own. Firstly congrats to many of you who have become preggers. PUPO, or commenced your cycle! Each step is terrifying but exciting!
I am officially 26 weeks 5 days along. I have a basketball bump and a back ache!
Last few weeks have consisted of Pre-natal yoga, swimming, Physio appointments and begging the husband for massages! I still find it totally weird that during yoga class we will do some birthing positions and stretches etc and I seem to be the only one looking around the room alarmed that we are discussing birth, actual birth!
This weekend my mum is flying up from her home state to meet me in Sydney, my sister, and Aunt are throwing me a little baby shower! I was never keen for baby showers, I always felt they were a bit unnecessary, and during IVF I became incredibly bitter about them. I think I was really just plain old jealous! I couldn’t even get pregnant or hold onto a pregnancy let alone get far enough along to celebrate it publicly! So when my Aunt and mum started talking about doing a shower in Sydney and then another one in my original home state for the Nan’s etc. it suddenly felt very special that I was finally in a position to do this. It doesn’t feel like I will jinx the pregnancy now, I can openly talk about the little one kicking away inside me and not Burst into tears! I finally feel confident and supremely happy.

So, a quick update

How far along: 26 weeks 5 days
Gender: still a boy
Weight: I think only about 5 but I also put 5 on during IVF so I don’t really know, I hate scales!
Bump: yep, looks like a perfectly round basketball under my shirt! No stretch marks (thanks Mummys Tummy Papya cream)
Mat clothes: exclusively! Can still pull off a non-mat top but jeans and pants etc, all the way!
Sleep: really depends on the night, last night was dreadful! Awake every 040 minutes or so… vivid dreams, I actually woke up laughing yesterday, was very weird.

Cravings: less aversions now but obsessed with peppermint ice cream!
Mood: I am still crying at the drop of hat, and find myself getting really exaggerated responses to situations.
Aches and pains: tail bone pain, been seeing a physio, all tapped up and feeling better. Sore feet at the end of the day, and tired most of the time, but totally fine!
Sex: when the DH will give it to me… tmi?? Oh well…. Think despite being a Dr he is concerned re-baby and the 1 eyed snake haha, may have told him if he doesn’t provide I will find my own way around it…. That spiced it up for a bit!
movement: Bub is going crazy, really strong defined movements now with a definite pattern, loves early mornings and during the night he just goes nuts, will have a few quite hours during the day then kick it up again! I can actually feel bubs head and back etc when he is facing inwards. Interesting he really responds to my DH voice and touch. When DH comes home from work and we are talking, Bub starts kicking or rolling a lot more. DH was actually tickling his back or head the other night and every time he stopped bub would kick and squirm until he did it again. SO CUTE!
Purchases: we have bitten the bullet and bought out pram, we got the Joolz Earth day edition. Totally cute! My parentals as a gift bought us whatever nursery set we wanted, so we picked the VULU love and care package. It doesn’t arrive until nov/dec but so very excited anyway! A few onesies and little things, but nothing else really! Hoping for some hand me downs from friends!
Wedding rings: On, fit the same.
A very dear friend of mine from my old work wife has made it to 36 weeks today. They had IVF ICSI last year after 5 years of trying and lost the bub at 19 weeks. It was the most heart breaking moment. It was tragic actually, we were both at work and I started to bleed at 5 ½ weeks. He was the only person who knew I was pregnant. I cried and he supported me, at the time his wife was 19 weeks and they had been fighting a lot. As he gave me a comforting hug and a shoulder to cry on I made him promise he would go home and make it better with his wife. Tell her how much he loved her and the baby and just stop this fighting! I went to hospital that night to confirm the loss and make sure I didn’t need a D&C. The next day he called me, they lost their baby during the night, his wife woke to cramping and huge blood loss. They delivered a perfect little boy sleeping. This year they did a frozen transfer and she was watched and monitored very closely. She was stitched and diagnosed with an incompetent cervix early and has been on bed rest since 10weeks. They have made it to 36 weeks, stitch comes out next week and they will have a baby girl in their arms very soon. I am so profoundly happy for them; they are both gorgeous people and deserve so much happiness possible. I look forward to my text updates from him so much!
Also: on a personal note, I have made a new friend! I know this sounds silly but we move around Australia a lot and I find it tricky to make good girl friends in each new state we land in. I’ve been in ACT now for 8 months and although I work with some gorgeous people who have become work friends, I really haven’t been able to make any actual friends outside work. BUT, since starting pre-natal yoga a few months ago I have met a lovely girl who is 4 weeks ahead of me, and I am pleased to say and excited that we have progressed to Facebook friends and exchanged mobile Numbers. Planning a pool/lunch date soon!

Just wanted to say in advance, thanks to all my friends and family for coming together this weekend and again in Nov. Means so much! xxxjoolz rabit

Advertisements

guess what I saw!

ImageImage

 

Guess what I saw!

So it’s been a good week overall actually, although I did have a little scare…

I had bloods done at the clinic on Tuesday and they had risen to 73’230. This was good news and everything was looking great. I then however ran into my FS at work. He cornered me and said “right, we need to scan you, and I will do it, not the clinic. So you can come and see me on Tuesday, but try to remember at this stage 1 In 5 ends in MC. Your numbers look good so I have my fingers crossed for you”.  Cue stunned look turning into complete melt down. Now I had been very positive up until this point, but when I was suddenly thrown into doubt land it knocked me for two!

 

I am a nurse, I have had a MC before, and you don’t need to explain the odds to IVF ladies! WE KNOW! So of course this sent me into overdrive, googling blighted ovum’s, missed MC, etc etc. Not good for your head any of this. It was a long, long wait between Thursday and Tuesday (today) until we were squeezed in for a scan today.

 

So there we were, I couldn’t breathe, I hadn’t slept, I was sitting with my Hubby, already in his scrubs ready for OT and in a dark, empty hospital corner waiting for our Dr to grab us before his regular clinic started.   I actually cannot describe the hopelessness this made me feel. Dear hubby was doing his best to distract me with trivial things, but I could tell he was nervous too. Then our specialist popped his head round the corner and took us in. I was straight up on the table and ready to roll, but DH was uncomfortable and nervous, he had to be instructed where to sit (dr’s make the worst patients). Then I was given the “now just relax, legs out, and I let me look first as I can’t talk and look, multitasking isn’t my thing”. Yeah right, as soon as the probe was in I saw it and let the world know! A beautiful beating heart, clear as day. The dr had to wait for me to calm down before he could measure everything, but we are right on track at 7 ½ to 8 weeks.

 

A perfect day.

 

Please stay to play little Bunny we love you already.

 

 

ROMANCE AND SCIENCE- DO THE TWO MIX???

Romance and science- do the two mix?

 

This week has been the agonising wait since our single day three 8 cell transfer last Thursday. My E2 levels were ok, and I felt like an entire building had been lifted off my shoulders and all the furniture taken out thru my EPU procedure. Actually to be brutally honest, I felt like a giant bloated chicken going in to lay a thousand bloody eggs in one go! Appealing no?

I was feeling better physically and emotionally aswell, the dreadful bloating was easing, my mood was a little more stable perhaps, and the IVF acne was minimally better. However the two week wait or two week torture as preferred in the IF forum world began the day the perfect little 8 cell embryo was transferred.

 

The doctor told me they selected the best looking one (from a selection of 5) at day 3 to be transferred so if the others make it this one should too. The others would be frozen at the blast stage day 5 if they made it. We had 4 make it to blast stage as perfect grade 1s so this was promising. Since then you are subjected to a few more blood tests to check your levels and ensure you are getting enough progesterone support. After a stim cycle it’s like your body forgets what to do, so you require all this monitoring and extra meds to be taken to support a possible pregnancy should it be successful. This for me was disgusting progesterone pesseries.

 

This is where the heading to this blog makes sense. Under no circumstances does science and romance mix, I feel so disgusting that even the idea is upsetting! This is not good I might just add, normally a very physical couple I am struggle street with the luck of lust I currently have! DH is very supportive and actually he put a stop to all things romantic before I did (hhmmph) but I still don’t appreciate the lack of drive these meds are giving me!

 

The wait is nearly over tho; tomorrow (Thursday) I have my very first and very early hcg test to see if anything is happening at all. The test will be repeated on Saturday just in case it is too early or to see if the number doubles but I am not holding out much hope.

In the wait to see if the IVF fresh transfer was successful you cant test, the reason is usually the trigger shot from a week or so ago stays in your system and will give you a false positive, also the progesterone gives you all the pregnancy symptoms you could dream for. Some bloating, sore and large bbs, etc etc, Blah, have had some incredibly awful nightmares and dreams, and my acupuncturist seems to think it has worked but I don’t know!

 

Wait and see I guess…………

Nothing ever goes smoothly!

I have had 10 days of stimming now, I was meant to have EPU today (Friday) but my doctor said “the longer you can stim for the better the outcome” so I was pushed to stim for longer. I now have EPU Monday 7th. They have been doing two daily bloods and scans and my results were looking awesome!

Scan 1 Monday-21 follicles, E2 2010

Scan 2 Wednesday-19 follicles E2 4110

Scan 3 Friday- 19 follicles with likely a couple hiding all ranging from 16mm to 20mm BUT E2 9000

The clinic called, they said I need extra bloods done tomorrow. The nurse did say this was just a precaution to be extra safe and she didn’t believe anything would be cancelled. i.e fresh day three transfer, but if my bloods seriously elevate by tomorrow morning then it will be a freeze all!

SHIT!

I know this isn’t that bad, I have beautiful follicles that are maturing well, so there is every chance I will get some gorgeous eggs, but I want a fresh transfer next week! I really don’t want to have to wait another cycle for even the possibility of being UTD! Any idea followers or readers? The forum I chat with all suggest it is unlikely ill get cancelled and they said some of them had much higher levels and this possibility wasn’t even discussed….. this gives me hope but I have no experience in this, and I hate it when I can’t control everything!

Will I get a fresh transfer?? Only time will tell I guess! Bloods tomorrow morning! Will know by 1pm. But trigger Saturday night 8pm without fail! Only 4 more needles to go!

The green light! when hope returns

I don’t know about you, but when I want something, I find it difficult to think about anything else.  These three months we put several things into action.

  1. DH on his vitamins
  2. Regular exercise for me and whenever I could drag DH out of OT
  3. Better sleeping patterns
  4. NO/ decreased alcohol
  5. Continue eating healthy

We had been told that there was a potential for swimmer numbers in all areas could drastically increase with the above changes and vitamins.  So we were hopeful that we would have an amazing jump up in numbers and our TTC journey would end with a positive naturally conceived miracle!

Nope!

We had moved states so this meant potentially we would have to start from the beginning, I got a referral, and as luck would have it the Specialist I had picked unexpectedly did a day a month at my new work for his public appearance! YES! I was down that corridor as he walked in the door! :” Hello, I am your new colleague and patient, make me a baby!”  Thankfully he had a sense of humour and said, “ok, now or in a bit?”  I got in to see him within two weeks!

 

As I walked in with DH the FS said I looked like a women on a mission! I think he must have known messing with a Surgeon his baby hungry wife was not really an option! He patiently went thru all our previous tests and did the obligatory we could, maybe, possibly, try this other stuff first, but in the end he openly stated what we already knew, ICSI was our only real option!

So I walked out of there with the green light! Being the over obsessed, super organised nut case I am I had actually already booked my first clinic app. But now I could beg/negotiate for an earlier app. Which we got! (I should be in politics).

 A week later we were there, and by we, I mean me, DH was naturally stuck saving someone’s life in OT while I was trying to make one.  He is always there at crunch time which is great, but its times like this when I wonder what it would be like to have him working in an office with flexible hours and non-life saving callouts!  But then I remember the man he is and just think, there is no way he would be happy firstly, surgery is his absolute passion, and secondly how incredibly selfish I am sometimes, he is an incredible surgeon, the kind you would want looking after your nanna or baby! You know the Doctors that even the Nurses in theatre or on the wards say, “oh thank god he’s on today”; you know that the patients will be looked after with 100% attention.  But, this means I have to share.

Into the clinic a week later, paper work done, everything signed and first payment made, now it was just a matter of when can we start!  The head Nurse at the clinic was professional and seemed to understand my apparent urgency to commence treatment.  She made a comment “oh, you’re not a nurse are you”, aaahhh YES I am! This got things moving lol.  Bloods done in between signing consents and explaining the plan, my god I better have not missed this cycle!

Ladies going thru this kind of TTC journey will understand that often the wait to start a new cycle is worse than the TWW to test for a (+).   You have nothing to do but wait and wait and wait. Awful!  After leaving the clinic with first meds in hand just in case I can start this cycle I went to work to wait for the phone call.

 

5 hours later the nurse called! “We caught you just in time” (well I caught myself just in time by re-arranging appointments, but ok, well done) I was instructed to start the first meds Friday! A mere two days away! YES!