I am not sure even where to start this blog. Today I find out if there are any early signs of HCG in my system. As you can imagine I am anxious, nervous and actually a bit sad.
But the most incredible thing just tipped me over the edge into full blown tears at work. A “friend” and I use the term very loosely now has given birth and sent a text around introducing bub, as you do. That’s fine I hear you say, however the back story is………
This “friend” and I have known each other for about 5 years, we lived together for awhile and became quite close, she was there when I met the man I married, she sat with me thru tears and happiness and once said if we were to ever get married she wants to be bridesmaid. I held her to that and she came to the wedding as a bridesmaid. However, she had started dating a douchbag 6 months before hand, he already had a kid, and she had aborted one a year earlier (to a different guy) I had supported her every decision as friends do, and offered any support I could. But this meant she was now on a mission to get UTD again in order to try and keep this guy I guess? Long story short, painful the entire time at my wedding after he dumped her over facebook, only for them to get back to a week later and be UTD not 2 months later less than a yr. into their “relationship”
Well long story short I got the text message and I am very glad mum and bub are doing well, but….. The bitch stole the one name I have always wanted for a little girl. AND SHE KNEW THIS!
Of course there is more behind this decision, but this is the last nail in the coffin.
I know this blog sounds mean, nasty, etc but I would never do this to someone I considered a friend, perhaps I truly do expect too much from people as lately several “friends” and 1 SIL have proven to disappoint me to the point where I wonder why I try.
I am incredibly lucky to have a gorgeous group of girlfriends who are always checking in regarding the treatment and how I am feeling and making the effort to text, call and visit. I adore them, and I am forever thankful. I need to focus on our journey, our plan, and not let awful, spiteful and jealous feelings run me into the ground like I have been.
I finish this blog with a promise.
You burn me; I will no longer let you in my life.
I will no longer let others ruin me, I will be stronger and I will acknowledge I am better off without you.
I will be thankful every day for my family, my friends, and my DH.