Lesson learnt

bunny in a pot

Please be aware, I am a crazy hormonal mess, read at own risk:

This week has been trying for me,   we are 10 weeks Monday just been and this is a huge achievement and I am thrilled, but the week has been trying.

Let’s start from the beginning.  We told my DH’s family we were pregnant this week, we didn’t tell them how we got pregnant, just that we were.  We have decided that we will tell them in person when we see them later in the year, and as they live overseas they haven’t been around to know any different.  You never get much out of DH’s mum, whereas my family cried, and screamed with joy and jumped around, we got a (translated) well done in monotone and that they had expected the call soon.  Eehh whatever, I’m pregnant for us not for them, and my family give me the laughs and positivity I need so although I know they are pleased and happy for us, I can live without the hoopla from them.

I married into another culture, and with this come compromises.  I know this, but what I struggle with is that it always seems to be me compromising for them, it never seems to be them compromising for me.  I struggle with this sometimes.  When it is little things I can shrug them off for the benefit of DH, but this week they managed to crawl under my skin and set up camp.    Literally 24 hours after we told them the most exciting news of our lives, they rang us asking for a substantial “loan”, with the intention to apparently pay us back.  Usually I would not have lost my shit over this but in my “culture” asking this kind of thing when you have just been informed of some life changing news seems so incredibly selfish and insulting, I could barely comprehend it was true.   The other issue is the person wanting to borrow means nothing to me at all and she already owes us cash from the last time we bailed her out.  The only thing I have heard all week is that we must do it because its family and its cultural.  Well, what about my culture? What about the fact that in my “culture” we help if we can and if it’s an emergency but people who stuff us over previously then expect us to jump when they say jump even at a crucial part of our own lives would be put to shame!   I stood my ground a refused and this penetrated DH and my relationship.  I am also unsure why we were targeted; did I mention this person is just an Aunty? There is a sister (DH’s mum) and DH has a brother, so why just us? Why if this was so bloody important didn’t all three member of this frickin family put in? You know, share the burden?  I am sure this will never be answered!

So after 5 days of crap, I was backed into a corner and transferred my savings to another person, so they could be relaxed and happy.  I might be 10 weeks pregnant but apparently that is not important enough.  But get this, when DH told this person we had done it, we had transferred the cash, she promised to send me a present, a case of wine! CAN YOU FRICKIN BELIEVE IT! I JUST TOLD YOU I WAS FUCKING PREGNANT!  I don’t want a present! I want you to piss off and give me my saving back!

So now I wait, (cue pregnancy hormones);  when or if the money is not repaid, I will never see his family again, I will stand firm, I will never take our child to their home country, I will not allow them in my house, I will make life so difficult they will regret ever pissing me off to begin with.    We have an overseas trip planned in three and a half weeks which includes a stop at his home town; I will not go unless this is sorted.  Blah, all over money, it’s stupid, but I can’t shake how unfair they are being putting us in this situation.

To add to this stress, last week I had a day of extreme weird pain; it was on and off but intense.  I saw my FS and they did a quick scan.  Bunny  was perfect and had  grown heaps since last scan so that was reassuring, but my FS believes the surgeons who did my lap for endo 8 years ago may have left something in my abdo at the belly button incision site.  WTF?  Nice, nice, nice.  Only me I guess.  Pain got so bad that night I was very nearly trundled off to ED.  However, being a nurse I was not going! I will refuse a GA to explore the site so what is the point? If Bunny is fine I will and can cope.  The next day pain was gone and hasn’t come back. So all good hopefully!

We have decided to stay with our FS as he is also an OBS, we have booked into the private hospital and today had a scan and bloods etc ready for the 12 ½ week scan for NT screening coming up.  While waiting at the hospital pathology for the blood tests (second lot today) a young girl came in, obviously suffering some form of cancer.  She looked exhausted and sick, and I had to stop and think despite the shit that DH’s family is putting us through, my god I am lucky.  Yes we had a tough time getting to where we are, but I am happy and pregnant and I am not that girl, I was the girl with an infertile husband.  I didn’t want to feel sorry for her; I wanted to transfer strength and fight.  I fought for this pregnancy, I did the meds, the operations, the heart ache, I just wanted her to know that I fought and she can too, like she most probably is.  She was in an out quickly as she is a priority and seen immediately, as she should be! This was a public clinic and there were people everywhere likely carrying all kinds of bugs, she shouldn’t have been there at all really.  I hope she is fighting, I hope that her life is going to get better; I hope she froze some eggs so life doesn’t kick her in the guts again should she want children in the future.

Back to bunny and our app, Little Bunny was wriggling away on the screen and measured perfectly with a strong heartbeat.  What a beautiful sight.   So we did it, we have made it to week ten, I have learnt to never expect anything but BS from DH family, and take comfort in the fact my family never put me under such strain.